I am a dreamer, a thinker, a planner, but rarely am I a doer. Basically, I am a procrastinator. I have spent most of my life thinking and dreaming about doing something important, about making a difference, about just being more than I was. There has always been some excuse keeping me from moving towards the changes I always wanted for myself. Fear, not being ready, needing more time to investigate a particular move, not enough support. So many excuses and not enough action.
Well this blog is one of those things I have been thinking about doing but just never got around to until now. Starting this blog is one of many steps I have been taking in the last year or so to move myself towards a life filled with more doing and less excuses.
So a little about me… I am 40 years old, I have spent most of my life very overweight. I have spent most of my life being too shy, self-conscious, self-doubting, and cared way too much about what people think of me. I never really believed in myself or my ability to be successful. As I have gotten older I have realized how much of a role our minds and ego play in the way we perceive ourselves and others and in the way we define success and happiness. My ideas of success, happiness, and the way I see myself have changed dramatically in the last 5-10 years. I realize now that I am so much more capable and worthy than I had ever given myself credit for. I am still a procrastinator but I am becoming more of a doer as time goes by.
In 2014 I had reached an all-time high weight of 400 pounds. In the last 5 years I have ended two relationships. One of which was about 12 years (counting the time that we were just friends) and the other lasting almost 4 years. In 2014 I had lost my best friend and her family, all of whom I had considered my family for nearly 9 years. This resulted from when my best friend’s sister, a woman who routinely referred to me as a sister, decided to date (and soon to marry) my ex (the aforementioned 12-year relationship ex). The relationship between my best friends’ sister and my ex was kept a secret from me and the rest it is another story for another time. But that loss of friends and family and all of the implications of one of them dating my ex was devastating for me at the time. I was severely depressed for almost a year after that. I was (and still am) on depression and anxiety meds. I had just started getting over all that loss when I had to move my desk location at work and am now sitting literally two seats away from my old best friend and from my ex (both of whom work in the same group). It was a little hard to handle at first but I have moved past it for the most part. And this brings us to 2016; In March of this year my father passed away. It was the first time I had really dealt with death. It was surreal, sad, confusing, and I had feelings of regret for not keeping in better touch with him.
This last few years of pain and loss had taught me that I need to prioritize things in my life. A few of the steps I am taking to improve the quality of my life are to take my health more seriously, to value my relationships more, to be more grateful for what I have, to reduce debt, and to cluttered my life. I will be getting more into the details of these in later articles. But to sum it up… I was a pack rat, a hoarder. I still am technically a hoarder but have made tremendous strides towards breaking that habit and am moving towards becoming more of a minimalist. My old friend and I are working on building, at the very least, a casual friendship. I am trying to stay busy at home with remodeling and starting a craft business. I am going to be starting school soon. I will be working on an Associate’s Degree in Communications. I have many other things to work on in my life, but I am taking things slow, a few steps at a time. You need to move forward but you don’t want to overwhelm yourself.
So that is all for today’s introduction. I will delve into the details more at a later time. I hope you enjoyed this and will come back to read more.
Smile big and have a great day!